Are You Taking It Personally?

“What others say and do is a projection
of their own reality, their own dream.
When you are immune to the opinions
and actions of others,
you won’t be a victim of
needless suffering.”
 ~Don Miguel Ruiz ~

    It seems to me that there is a common theme in the practice of good mental health and spiritual development, and that is, “Don’t take it personally!”  Albert Ellis, the founder of Rational Emotive Behavior, and Wayne Dyer, psychologist and writer, are both well known for saying, “What others think about me is none of my business.”

    That may seem strange in a culture where a whole entertainment industry has been built around gossiping and spouting opinions about celebrities.  And most of us have been conditioned to believe that being pleasing to others is of the utmost importance.  We have a certain preoccupation with fitting in and being accepted by others.

    The problem with such preoccupation is that we begin shaping our responses to others based on what we think they are expecting or on their expressed needs.  And that takes the place of discovering who we really are and makes meeting our own life purpose and goals nearly impossible.

    If this is a problem for you, declare yourself a Recovering People Pleaser!  Having a clear intention of change will go a long way to ensuring that you will.

    You may notice that you often don’t really know what someone else thinks.  You are likely making assumptions based on your own beliefs and habitual thoughts.  Often these assumptions are fear based and are crippling or paralyzing. 

    And by the same token, if you do get to hear the opinions of someone else, what they are saying to you is a product of their own experiences, beliefs and habitual thoughts.  As humans we tend to make judgments based on what we have been taught or told and then project them onto others.

    So these opinions and judgments really provide a picture of the one who is making them.  Most of the time, they really don’t have anything to do with you at all. 

    Am I suggesting that you should live without input from anyone else?  No.  What I’m talking about is a matter of balance.  Pay particular attention to the source of feedback that you’re getting.  Is it coming from someone whom you respect?  Do you admire the way they are living?  Are they speaking to you with respect and looking out for your interests?

    Sometimes valuable feedback is critical and hard to hear.  And it is also good for us to heed it.  It’s up to you to discern whether the message is of value to you or whether it is a judgmental expression of fear that belongs to the speaker and is only harmful or of no value to you.

    When what you are hearing is not of value to you, practice bringing your attention back to what you are working on or to your own concerns.  Remind yourself to not take it personally.  And then let it go.